It's amazing that the English taste for piccalilli ever took off. It has a quite unique flavour which is not to everyones taste and infants find both the colour and texture highly off-putting. However, it is the procurement of the pickle that should have been the greatest barrier in it's popularity.
Piccalilli is harvested from the well rotted seed pods of the Lalilli tree found only in the foothills of the Aravalli mountains in Rajasthan.
It's common name of The Wrestler Tree nods toward the hardship in obtaining the pods necessary for our Sunday supper.
As the pods, which can weigh as much as a milkmans head, start to ripen, the branches that they are found upon curl backwards under osmotic pressure, coiling and storing the energy necessary to fling the pods up to 500 yards upon ripening in the most dramatic of seed dispersals. No Lalilli tree may be planted within one mile of a two storey dwelling anywhere in Rajasthan. The importance of this crop to the GDP of Rajasthan has meant that 98.62% of people here live in bungalows.
Now, of course, for our piquant needs we have to get to the pods and their so desirable interior just prior to fully ripening while the contents are still semi liquid - no one enjoys a slice of piccalilli.
This is where mortal danger lurks. A defense mechanism of the tree sets of the explosive power in the coiled branch when anything or one tries to remove the pod, pinning the attacker to the floor in a move highly reminiscent of a Full Nelson - hence the colloquial name for the tree.
As yet there has been no way found to mechanise the piccalilli harvesting process and as a result, more people are killed each year performing this task than by the Rajasthani national pastime of of cobra teasing.
Tony Kirkham, head of the Arboretum at the Royal Botanical Garden's at Kew has called the Lalalli Tree "The most dangerous plant in the world"
With this fact weighing heavy on our conscience, we serve Mock Piccalilli with our Scotch Eggs here at The Mill Tea & Dining Room.
We've been told by many epicureans that the difference is hard to detect. Here's how we make it.

1 cauliflower cut into small florets.
6 large onions - diced.
1 cucumber - peeled and de-seeded.
1 red chilli - finely diced.
1 heaped tablespoon of Salt.
600ml White Wine Vinegar.
300ml Malt Vinegar.
350g Caster Sugar.
50g English Mustard Powder.
25g Ground Turmeric.
3 tblsp Cornflower.

Toss the vegetables and chilli together with the salt and leave to stand for twelve hours.
Rinse in plenty of water and leave to drain thoroughly.
Mix all the dry ingredients together with enough vinegar to produce a pourable paste. Bring the rest of the vinegar to the boil and then add the said paste. Whisk well and cook slowly until thickened, pour this hot liquid over the vegetable mix and pack into sterilised jars.
Enjoy your guilt free Mock Piccalilli with cold meats or cheese.

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